Lately, I have really been working on my own personal self-development. I’ve been blessed with the responsibility of raising a child and I am on a new journey of coaching others, so I have to hold myself to a higher standard.
One very important attribute I’ve been concentrating on is the act of forgiveness. One of the hardest things to do is to forgive someone who has caused you pain. However, as I’ve recently discovered, it is extremely liberating to “get over it.” When you do, the hurt no longer dominates your mind. When someone hurts me, I generally become consumed with thinking about it over and over and over. Therefore, I would never forget the incident! How exhausting!
Recently, I was feeling very hurt by someone who I am close to. As the incident started playing over and over again in my head, I realized I had to stop and forgive … truly forgive. That decision allowed me to stop and look at things from their perspective. It was amazing how I could physically feel the hurt going out of me and how I was crystal clear on the fact that I did not want to lose or mess up this valuable friendship. I shudder to think of what might have happened if I were not in this period of working on myself! Things are back to normal and, when we discussed the topic again, it was in a really casual & relaxing way. And, I’ve not thought of it since. This forgiveness stuff really works!
Sadly, there are sometimes instances where someone hurts you to the point where you know the relationship has to be over. But, you still must practice forgiveness of that person. Otherwise, the incident/action continues to cause you pain and discomfort — even after the person is out of your life.
Even if you do not contact that person, because you simply cannot invite them back into your life, it is still crucial that you forgive them. That’s the only way you’ll be able to move on from the negative thoughts. And, it actually makes you feel at peace whenever you ask God to bless the person who was hurtful. It also helps to realize that some people are put into your life for a reason, but were not meant to stay in it forever. As you reflect back on your relationship with that person, in a relaxed state, you will find there were lessons to be learned. You may even find yourself feeling gratitude towards that person for giving you those lessons.
It’s also important to forgive yourself. That has been a bit of a struggle for me lately. My whole life I have lived with the motto that “regret is a wasted emotion.” But, this year, I have been kicking myself for some of the mistakes I have made. I finally realized that the time & energy I’m spending on beating myself up could be spent on taking positive steps toward a bright, new future.
Now, if something hurtful happens or I make a mistake, I strive to work on the forgiveness aspect of it as quickly as possible. That way, I can move on toward my bright future. And, I always stop to count my blessings, which helps me truly forgive so I can finally forget!
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