Sandy Speaks…

It’s always hard to end a relationship.  Doing it the night before Valentine’s Day makes it a poignant heartbreak.

I didn’t plan to break up on the Eve of the day we celebrate love.  In fact, I had decided earlier in the day to continue on and see if the relationship could change/grow.

Then, it happened… an instant where it felt like someone poured freezing cold water on my head to wake me up!  And, I had to do what I had to do, regardless of the date on the calendar.

This post is not about him.  I wish him all the best and sincerely pray he finds the love of his life.

This is about me and the fact that I allowed myself to disappear.  Over the course of two months, I had become someone I didn’t even recognize.  In that moment of clarity, I realized I missed… ME!

I was surprised by how I’d let some pretty big parts of me go away.  And, I was unnerved by a new part of me that showed up.  It made me realize the sheer power that the need to love and be loved holds.

On our quest to find “the one,” we must not fall asleep on who we are, what we value, and why we want to be in a relationship.  If you’re acting differently or find yourself hoping things will change, it’s time to stop and examine your who, what, and why. Then, if you discover big things missing from what you want in love, you can pick a day to end things that doesn’t exude couples, candlelight, and Cupid!

(Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

We all make mistakes.  Can you imagine making yours in front of 111 million people?  And in an age where news travels faster than the speed of light?

Before Christina Aguilera could even finish the incorrect sentence of our National Anthem, her blunder was Tweeted and Facebooked out to millions.  Yet, she continued on with grace and skill.

In the following days, the majority of bloggers, reporters, and tweeps focused on the fact that she’d made a mistake instead of giving her credit for having the courage to continue on without breaking down.

I believe there are three valuable lessons to take from Christina’s Superbowl experience.

#1 – Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You, no doubt, heard this from your parents and Kindergarten Teacher when you were a child.  As adults, we often forget the importance of empathy.  Instead of automatically criticizing or poking fun whenever someone messes up, let’s shower them with kindness.  Say something positive and stay away from feeding the negative.  After all, isn’t that what you would want if it were you?

#2 – Own up to your mistake. Whenever I screw up big time, I often want to hide from the world.  I’m sure a part of Christina wanted to go home and bury herself under the covers.  Instead, she remarked:  “I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place.  I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through.”

#3 – Have the strength to carry on. Watch the video of Christina singing on Superbowl Sunday.  She hardly misses a beat after the mistake.  She keeps on singing with all of her heart and soul.  Someone else may have stomped off or burst out in tears.  The next time you make a mistake, gather your courage and just keep going.

Yes, we all make mistakes.  If your next one takes place in front of millions (or even a handful), give me a call – I’ll jump on Twitter & Facebook and let the world now how wonderfully courageous you are for putting yourself out there!

(Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

When I told my four year old son it was my birthday, he exclaimed, “Yay!  Do you have cake and presents?”  I groaned to myself.  How could I have forgotten to get a cake for myself so he could help me celebrate?

I explained that he and I were going to celebrate Mommy’s birthday the following day.  The next morning, he ran to my room and told me he had the best dream last night… all about cake!!!

We ran downstairs.  He placed some candles on the small cake I’d purchased the night before.  Then, he looked around and asked “Where are your presents, Mommy?”  “Well,  I don’t have any presents and that’s okay.  We’ve got a yummy birthday cake and candles to enjoy!”

He became overwhelmed with emotion.  He started looking around the house, saying “I have to give you a present, Mommy.  I need to find some flowers to give you.”  The more he searched, the more upset he became.

As my heart was breaking, my eyes fell upon a bouquet of plastic flowers in my office.  “I found some flowers, Jake.  I’m going to lay them right here.” I said, as I took the flowers out of the vase and laid them upon his arts & crafts table.

He sang “Happy Birthday” to me and helped me blow out the candles.  Then, he told me to close my eyes.  When I opened them, he was standing in front of me with those plastic flowers.  With the sweetest smile, he said, “I got you some flowers, Mommy!”  I could not hold back my tears any longer as I thanked him profusely for the gift.

“Why are you crying, Mom?”  I hugged him tightly and replied, “These are happy tears, Baby.  Thank you for being so thoughtful.  I love you so much!”

I experienced so many emotions that day.  A little sadness plus lots of pride, happiness, determination, and gratitude.  And, I developed a whole new respect for single Mothers everywhere.  In our quest to “fit it all in”, we sometimes miss important details.  Isn’t it wonderful when your child shows you that, even though you don’t do everything perfectly, you are teaching him/her how to be thoughtful, giving, and loving?  That was the best birthday gift I’ve ever received!