It’s always hard to end a relationship.  Doing it the night before Valentine’s Day makes it a poignant heartbreak.

I didn’t plan to break up on the Eve of the day we celebrate love.  In fact, I had decided earlier in the day to continue on and see if the relationship could change/grow.

Then, it happened… an instant where it felt like someone poured freezing cold water on my head to wake me up!  And, I had to do what I had to do, regardless of the date on the calendar.

This post is not about him.  I wish him all the best and sincerely pray he finds the love of his life.

This is about me and the fact that I allowed myself to disappear.  Over the course of two months, I had become someone I didn’t even recognize.  In that moment of clarity, I realized I missed… ME!

I was surprised by how I’d let some pretty big parts of me go away.  And, I was unnerved by a new part of me that showed up.  It made me realize the sheer power that the need to love and be loved holds.

On our quest to find “the one,” we must not fall asleep on who we are, what we value, and why we want to be in a relationship.  If you’re acting differently or find yourself hoping things will change, it’s time to stop and examine your who, what, and why. Then, if you discover big things missing from what you want in love, you can pick a day to end things that doesn’t exude couples, candlelight, and Cupid!

(Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

When I posted my 50 life lessons in January, number four on the list was…

Make decisions wisely and from a place of love and goodness, choosing to do what is in everyone’s best interest.

Oftentimes in life, we either make hasty decisions (which is never wise) or we make decisions based totally on our own selfish desires.  I have certainly been guilty of not stopping to think things through sometimes and, in those moments, the choices that I made inevitably did not turn out the best for everyone involved.

Thankfully, I have made some major decisions in my life based on what was in everyone’s best interest.  And, in those instances, the results were positive.

• When my Mom died, I was 16 years old.  I sat at her grave-site and said to myself, “Sandy…this can either make you better or it can make you bitter.  It’s your choice.”  I chose to be better because of it…to be empathetic towards others who experience loss; to appreciate my health; and to strive to be like her ~ kind, strong, accepting, nonjudgmental.  That was the best choice for everyone because I still had a younger brother and Daddy to take care of at home and it would not have served them well for me to be bitter.

•  When my Daddy died unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, three years after my Mom, I had another choice to make.  I could be sad every year at Christmas time or I could celebrate it fully to make fond memories for others, that will last long after I am gone.  I was a teenager.  Did I really want Christmas to be a sad occasion for the rest of my life?  Absolutely not!  I chose to make it a joyous occasion and started collecting Christmas decorations and ornaments, obtaining something new every year since.  It takes me days to decorate my home for Christmas now and I love sharing it with others and hosting parties and celebrating Life!

•  Shortly after my Daddy died, I got married and, after a custody battle, his 5 year old daughter, Stephanie, came to live with us full-time.  Her Mother, Carolyn, moved away and was heartbroken.  Stephanie looked at me with her big, blue eyes and said “Do I call you Mommy now?”  I had a choice to make.  I could have told her to absolutely call me Mommy because I was her Mother now and could have spoken badly about her Mom.  Instead, I said “You have a Mommy that loves you very much.  You can call me Sandy.”  And…I chose to include Carolyn in every major decision and we stayed in close contact.  Now…30 years later, Carolyn and I are very close friends who (along with her Dad) raised a daughter together who is sweet, thoughtful, and kind.  Stephanie had the joy of always having three families that loved her and, even though her Dad and I divorced when she was 12, we are all a close, extended family to this day.

•  Even though I am not in a relationship with my 3 year old son’s father any more, we have chosen to be good friends and co-parents.  We truly care about each other and it is definitely in Jake’s best interest to see us respect each other and to be happy when we are around one another.

The next time that you have a major event in your life, won’t you take a moment to really think it through, choosing to do what is in everyone’s best interest?  Take it from me…it will make your life peaceful and happy & you will be setting a good example for those that look to you for guidance.

Since I made the decision to start paying more attention to my blog, I perused the subjects that I had created when I set it up and came across “The Singlehood Journey” as a  choice.  It did not have any entries in it and I decided to quickly delete it as an option for me to write about!  Sure…I have lots of funny stories about being single (mostly from my pre-baby days of almost 4 years ago since I don’t go out much now) and I can certainly give a real view on that status (since I’ve spent more of my adult years “single” than I have “in a relationship”), but…I started thinking about how I am coaching people on how they need to “put out into The Universe” what they want to come back to them and decided that labeling myself as “single” and then writing about it consistently is not such a good idea after all!

I am certainly not “pining away” for a man nor do I ever feel lonely or sad (because I really do enjoy my own company).  However, when I think of the “big picture” of my life, I would like to finally meet and connect with the perfect man for me (and for my son).  I even sat down and wrote out my “man list” on a legal pad recently, which is something that I have never done.  It was actually kinda fun…well, it will be when I meet that guy!!!

So…the point of this blog post is…

Make sure that everything that you do and say is in alignment with the life that you wish to create for yourself while expressing Gratitude for what you currently have (I am actually very grateful that I am able to spend my time alone as I please right now) and watch your life transform according to your wishes.

Just think of the great love story that is going to appear in my life when the time is right!  It sure is gonna be fun!!