It’s always hard to end a relationship.  Doing it the night before Valentine’s Day makes it a poignant heartbreak.

I didn’t plan to break up on the Eve of the day we celebrate love.  In fact, I had decided earlier in the day to continue on and see if the relationship could change/grow.

Then, it happened… an instant where it felt like someone poured freezing cold water on my head to wake me up!  And, I had to do what I had to do, regardless of the date on the calendar.

This post is not about him.  I wish him all the best and sincerely pray he finds the love of his life.

This is about me and the fact that I allowed myself to disappear.  Over the course of two months, I had become someone I didn’t even recognize.  In that moment of clarity, I realized I missed… ME!

I was surprised by how I’d let some pretty big parts of me go away.  And, I was unnerved by a new part of me that showed up.  It made me realize the sheer power that the need to love and be loved holds.

On our quest to find “the one,” we must not fall asleep on who we are, what we value, and why we want to be in a relationship.  If you’re acting differently or find yourself hoping things will change, it’s time to stop and examine your who, what, and why. Then, if you discover big things missing from what you want in love, you can pick a day to end things that doesn’t exude couples, candlelight, and Cupid!

(Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

When I told my four year old son it was my birthday, he exclaimed, “Yay!  Do you have cake and presents?”  I groaned to myself.  How could I have forgotten to get a cake for myself so he could help me celebrate?

I explained that he and I were going to celebrate Mommy’s birthday the following day.  The next morning, he ran to my room and told me he had the best dream last night… all about cake!!!

We ran downstairs.  He placed some candles on the small cake I’d purchased the night before.  Then, he looked around and asked “Where are your presents, Mommy?”  “Well,  I don’t have any presents and that’s okay.  We’ve got a yummy birthday cake and candles to enjoy!”

He became overwhelmed with emotion.  He started looking around the house, saying “I have to give you a present, Mommy.  I need to find some flowers to give you.”  The more he searched, the more upset he became.

As my heart was breaking, my eyes fell upon a bouquet of plastic flowers in my office.  “I found some flowers, Jake.  I’m going to lay them right here.” I said, as I took the flowers out of the vase and laid them upon his arts & crafts table.

He sang “Happy Birthday” to me and helped me blow out the candles.  Then, he told me to close my eyes.  When I opened them, he was standing in front of me with those plastic flowers.  With the sweetest smile, he said, “I got you some flowers, Mommy!”  I could not hold back my tears any longer as I thanked him profusely for the gift.

“Why are you crying, Mom?”  I hugged him tightly and replied, “These are happy tears, Baby.  Thank you for being so thoughtful.  I love you so much!”

I experienced so many emotions that day.  A little sadness plus lots of pride, happiness, determination, and gratitude.  And, I developed a whole new respect for single Mothers everywhere.  In our quest to “fit it all in”, we sometimes miss important details.  Isn’t it wonderful when your child shows you that, even though you don’t do everything perfectly, you are teaching him/her how to be thoughtful, giving, and loving?  That was the best birthday gift I’ve ever received!

On January 8, 2011, six people (including a child) were murdered and fourteen others were injured (including Rep. Gabrielle Giffords) in a tragedy that rocked our great Nation.

Since then, the United States has been blanketed with snow in 49 out of 50 states.  As I continue to pray for those affected by this sad event, I keep thinking of how wonderful it would be if our Country were blanketed with peace and love.  I keep thinking of the great example we would be if we exercised our right to have opposing views in a calm and respectful way.

I believe this change can happen if we all start with our own lives.  Let’s honor the memory of those who died by letting go of any anger, resentment, and jealousy we have against another.  Let’s start a movement by treating others with respect, even during times of disagreement.  Let’s look at opposing views as a way to open our minds, which always expands our lives.  Let’s accept that, even though others may be “different” than us, they are still God’s creations.  Let’s be aware that each one of us is being looked upon as a role model by someone and keep our words positive and filled with love.

Let’s wrap this peace and love blanket tightly around ourselves and our loved ones.  And, give gratitude that we can start fresh.  And, we can start NOW.

Ahhhh… doesn’t that feel great?!

Image: Evgeni Dinev / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2010 was a challenging year
That was transformative at the same time.
I learned many lessons and made great connections
With folks who helped make each day sublime.

Jake is growing up so quickly
He turned four and started Pre-K.
He loves to tell stories, gather sticks, and race cars
I thank God for him every day.

Stephanie made three trips to Florida
I treasure our family time.
Hailey’s in Middle School now
The days sure are a-flyin’.

It was another year to welcome babies
Grayden, Lily, and Joshua were born.
I’m thrilled to have reconnected with a special friend
And am thankful to have David (my “Manny”) on the third floor.

I became a published Author in Visionaries With Guts
My children’s book will be published next year.
The illustrator for my book is awesome
I’m writing stories for his book’s premier.

I entered The Next Top Author Competition
With Gratitude Habit, my upcoming book.
And made it to the Top 25
Of the 3000 entries they took.

I’m happy to be back at Century 21
To assist people with their real estate needs.
I’m grateful for the Gratitude Boot Camp family
And how they’re helping my work to succeed.

I’m giddy with excitement as the new year approaches
It’s delivering us lots of abundance, laughter, and love.
My heart is filled with deep gratitude for each of my friends
May 2011 bring you bountiful blessings from above.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

In November of 2007, I got into a discussion with my dear friend, Dana, about how hard it is to have a sick child and how it must be even more difficult during the holidays.  We quickly decided to create a charity event to benefit the local Ronald McDonald House^® (RMH) program, since both of our families had been helped by them.

When he was 10 months old my nephew, Beau, was rushed by helicopter to All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida where he under-went emergency brain surgery and endured months of recovery.  During those months, my brother & sister-in-law stayed at the Ronald McDonald House instead of having to drive hours each day to see their baby.

Dana’s niece, Tara, who was diagnosed with a rare disease, had to undergo a bone marrow transplant at All Children’s Hospital, when she was a toddler. Tara’s parents were able to reside at the Ronald McDonald House for months while waiting for Tara to recover.  The RMH allowed them to stay in the house at no charge without the worrying of driving back and forth to their home, which was hours away.

That year, we founded The Vino Ball of Central Florida.  Over the past three years, we’ve raised thousands of dollars and gift cards for the Ronald McDonald House in Orlando, Florida.  This year’s event is going to be extra-special as we honor the memory of Dana’s niece, Tara.  She passed away on October 28th and was laid to rest, close to her Grandpa Matthews, on October 30, 2010.

After being diagnosed with Sanfilippo Syndrome as a toddler, Tara underwent a bone marrow transplant in 1988.  She was three years old and the donor was her Mother, Rhonda.  She flourished for a few years – dancing, singing, and laughing her way into the hearts of everyone who met her.  In typical Southern Girl fashion, she took a liking to hunting, fishing, and most especially, horseback riding on her pony, Red.

One day, at the ripe old age of two, she saddled up to take Red for a ride.  When she didn’t return within a few minutes, her Mama went off in search of her – only to find that she’d ridden him into the house and positioned him in front of the TV to watch cartoons with her!

In 1992, the rare blood disorder returned to her little body and she became mentally and physically disabled.

Because of the deep abiding love of her family and the support of the teachers and staff at Doris A. Sanders Learning Center, Tara lived much longer than was expected.  Her family had been told that the average life-span of those afflicted with Sanfilippo is 8 to 12 years.  Tara turned 25 on October 3rd.  She had graduated from Doris A. Sanders two years before, where she was even able to attend the prom!

The Matthews family remembers, with gratitude, the special care they received at The Ronald McDonald House they lived in during Tara’s bone marrow operation.  Please join us as we raise money for this worthy cause.  This year’s event will be dedicated to the memory of a very special girl – Tara Matthews.

I invite you to join us on January 28, 2011 at The Celebration Town Tavern in Celebration, Florida for the 4th Annual Vino Ball of Central Florida.  For more information, please visit http://VinoBallofCentralFlorida.com.

Have you ever been hit by an emotion so suddenly that your immediate reaction almost knocked you down?

The realization that my new baby was going to grow up too quickly was the day that he no longer fit into his newborn diapers.  I burst into tears and sobbed while trying to hold him still while searching for the Size 1 diapers!  ”Oh my word”, I said to myself between tears, “So, this is why people kept saying ‘they grow up soooo fast’ while I was pregnant” (something that I find myself doing to every expectant woman I see now).

This week, almost four years later, it hit me again whenever I placed the call to enroll my son, Jake, into pre-kindergarten.  When I hung up, I started sobbing…almost uncontrollably!  ”How in the world did the last four years go by so quickly?” I wondered, as I felt a big sense of nostalgia and a small sense of panic.  Am I spending enough quality time with him?  Am I focusing on what is most important to create a life of prosperity, safety, and happiness for him?  Am I teaching him everything he needs to know to be a good student and, most importantly, a good person?

Later that day, I overheard him say to one of his toys “My Mommy is grateful.”  I relaxed and thought “Well…I am off to a good start!”

(picture courtesy of http://freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=989)

Begin and end your day with these affirmations. 

Take some deep breaths and get into a relaxed state. As you read each one, feel the emotion it invokes.

Do this daily, for your words create your reality.

♥ I am filled with Gratitude for all of my blessings today!

♥ I have great self-management skills!

♥ I am surrounded by positive people who add value to my life!

♥ I am massively organized!

♥ I have a joyful spirit!

♥ I am financially free and am Grateful for my riches!

♥ Today, I will concentrate on taking one step forward, however small!

♥ I do whatever it takes!

♥ I act in spite of my fears!

♥ My loved ones are happy, healthy, and prospering!

♥ I schedule my priorities every day!

♥ I am laser-focused on my priorities!

♥ I am a self-reliant and successful person!

♥ I forgive quickly and move on!

♥ I resolve issues quickly and with a calmness of spirit!

♥ I live a healthy lifestyle!

♥ I learn from every experience!

♥ I eliminate all negativity out of my life!

♥ My thoughts are creative and I am now creating the reality that I desire!

♥ I will take at least 1 action today in the direction of my long term plans!

♥ I am always receiving money making ideas and acting upon them!

♥ I only attract loving people in my world for they are a mirror of what I am!

♥ Today, I choose to find the good in myself and others!

♥ I see past old limitations and envision new opportunities!

♥ I love myself. And I love how I feel when I love myself!

♥ I am an extreme action taker!

♥ I am more enthusiastic today and am improving this trait daily!

♥ I am prosperous and abundant. I gain income from unexpected sources!

♥ Divine love is working through me now!

♥ I add value to other people’s lives!

♥ I let go of any burdens that are not mine to carry!

♥ I give generously and from my heart!

♥ I am decisive and follow through!

♥ I am positive and optimistic!

♥ I commit to being rich in every way!

♥ I always awaken completely refreshed!

♥ Today, I am energetic and enthusiastic!

♥ I live with purpose and passion!

♥ I have compassion for all living things!

♥ I release judgment and criticism of myself and others!

♥ Every breath I take brings me greater health and vitality!

♥ I love my life!

♥ Money is flowing into my life, quickly and easily!

♥ Every day and in every way, I’m getting better and better!

♥ I am grateful for today and for all of my blessings!

When I posted my 50 life lessons in January, number four on the list was…

Make decisions wisely and from a place of love and goodness, choosing to do what is in everyone’s best interest.

Oftentimes in life, we either make hasty decisions (which is never wise) or we make decisions based totally on our own selfish desires.  I have certainly been guilty of not stopping to think things through sometimes and, in those moments, the choices that I made inevitably did not turn out the best for everyone involved.

Thankfully, I have made some major decisions in my life based on what was in everyone’s best interest.  And, in those instances, the results were positive.

• When my Mom died, I was 16 years old.  I sat at her grave-site and said to myself, “Sandy…this can either make you better or it can make you bitter.  It’s your choice.”  I chose to be better because of it…to be empathetic towards others who experience loss; to appreciate my health; and to strive to be like her ~ kind, strong, accepting, nonjudgmental.  That was the best choice for everyone because I still had a younger brother and Daddy to take care of at home and it would not have served them well for me to be bitter.

•  When my Daddy died unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, three years after my Mom, I had another choice to make.  I could be sad every year at Christmas time or I could celebrate it fully to make fond memories for others, that will last long after I am gone.  I was a teenager.  Did I really want Christmas to be a sad occasion for the rest of my life?  Absolutely not!  I chose to make it a joyous occasion and started collecting Christmas decorations and ornaments, obtaining something new every year since.  It takes me days to decorate my home for Christmas now and I love sharing it with others and hosting parties and celebrating Life!

•  Shortly after my Daddy died, I got married and, after a custody battle, his 5 year old daughter, Stephanie, came to live with us full-time.  Her Mother, Carolyn, moved away and was heartbroken.  Stephanie looked at me with her big, blue eyes and said “Do I call you Mommy now?”  I had a choice to make.  I could have told her to absolutely call me Mommy because I was her Mother now and could have spoken badly about her Mom.  Instead, I said “You have a Mommy that loves you very much.  You can call me Sandy.”  And…I chose to include Carolyn in every major decision and we stayed in close contact.  Now…30 years later, Carolyn and I are very close friends who (along with her Dad) raised a daughter together who is sweet, thoughtful, and kind.  Stephanie had the joy of always having three families that loved her and, even though her Dad and I divorced when she was 12, we are all a close, extended family to this day.

•  Even though I am not in a relationship with my 3 year old son’s father any more, we have chosen to be good friends and co-parents.  We truly care about each other and it is definitely in Jake’s best interest to see us respect each other and to be happy when we are around one another.

The next time that you have a major event in your life, won’t you take a moment to really think it through, choosing to do what is in everyone’s best interest?  Take it from me…it will make your life peaceful and happy & you will be setting a good example for those that look to you for guidance.

When my three year old son, Jake, and I go for a walk or to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter, he acts as if he is running for Mayor.  He greets everyone with a cheerful “Hi” and  if he is not able to find out your name, he will make one up for you (and he always comes up with very interesting monikers for people)!

There was a time whenever my friends were worried that there was something wrong with him because he did not seem to connect.  He did not say the word “Mommy” until much, much later than his playmates.  In fact, he was the last one in our playgroup to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk although he is one of the eldest of the bunch.

I recently took him for his 3 year old check-up although he is 3.5 now.  I know, I know…I’m always late too (hey…wait a minute, maybe he comes by it justly?  And…before you judge my mothering skills, you must know that there were no major shots or anything involved in this doctor visit).  His Pediatrician was amazed at his level of communication (even though she had been somewhat skeptical that there was anything wrong when I showed up at her office in tears, one year earlier).  “Did you put him in therapy?” she asked.  “No” I replied “About a week after my panicked visit, he started talking up a storm, in complete sentences and full of emotion & empathy, and he has not stopped since!”  She and I hugged!

I looked at her, contemplatively, and said, “You know…there is a life lesson here.  We are sometimes so quick to judge and we, so often, live our lives in a state of comparison.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we simply accepted each other, encouraged each other to reach our potential, and did not judge each other’s process of growth, whether we be children or adults?”  She smiled and said “Why yes, it would”.  After she walked out with her stethoscope in hand, I gave my child an extra hug and gave myself a break for the fact that I was at a place that some may view as “being behind”.  And, as I walked out of the doctor’s office, I thought “Watch out world…I might just run for Mayor!”

*I am adding to this post to clarify a couple of things about my child.  He reached all of his major milestones within the “normal” time frames, it was just always at the very end.  He loves to play with other children and connects with people very well.  Like all 3 year olds, he asks millions of questions each day (his favorite is asking what every single sign says as we drive up and down Interstate 4; which we do a lot, so Mommy is learning the art of extreme patience) and we carry on conversations with each other.  He is smart and sweet with a great sense of humor and some of the same “quirks” that I had as a child.  I really believe that, while you should make sure that your child is developing his/her major milestones according to “the charts”, you also have to be careful about comparing him/her to other children.  And, I believe that you need to accept them for who they are and praise & encourage them to excel without placing judgment upon them.*