We had only been dating for a few weeks when he started saying “I want to have a baby with you”! I looked at him like he had three heads!!
As we continued in our relationship, he became more and more adamant about wanting to have a baby with me! “This cultural difference is huge”, I remember thinking. He had come over from Cuba on a raft 10 years before we met…I was born & raised in the Southern part of the United States. His English was not bad…I could certainly understand those 8 words clearly!!!
Finally, I sat him down on my couch for a serious talk. I explained to him that, not only had I been told that I could not have a baby for medical reasons, but I was now a girl over the age of 45. “If you are wanting to have a baby that badly with someone, you really need to be dating a girl who is in her twenties or thirties” I said very slowly so that he would understand. “No! I want to have a baby with you”. My final words on the subject were “Good luck with that!”
After dating for a while, I knew that I had to break up with him. I had realized that this was not meant to be a long term relationship. For one thing, he would not stop saying “I want to have a baby with you”. It was getting annoying. He had never even said “I love you”! I had been telling my best friends that I was going to break it off, but every weekend we had some sort of plans that caused me to say “I’ll do it next weekend for sure”. The weekend after Halloween was going to be IT. I made sure that we did not make any plans whatsoever.
At the beginning of that week, I realized that I was “late”. I shrugged it off every day, although it was extremely unusual. On Thursday, I found myself picking up a few things in Walgreens and, on a last minute whim, picked up a cheap pregnancy test! I took it when I got home and it instantaneously became positive! “Nooooooo” I said to myself in the mirror. So, I took the other one that came in the box. It also did not hesitate to turn into a plus sign. “Oh…hell nooooooo” I said to my two cats who were looking at me like I had three heads!!!! I jumped in my car and drove back to Walgreens to buy the most expensive pregnancy test I could find, telling myself that the reason that those two said “positive” was because I had purchased the cheapest one. “You know that you get what you pay for, Sandy”, I berated myself. When I got home, I read the directions…word for word…and it said that the best time to take the test was first thing in the morning. “Oh…no wonder” I said to the two furry babies that I had raised since birth “Those others were cheap AND I did not follow the directions.” I slept soundly that night knowing that, the next day, the expensive test would clear all of this up and I could proceed with the much anticipated break up.
First thing the next morning, my life changed forever! “You have got to be kidding me?!!” I said all day long…over and over…to Shakespeare & Spencer, who were really wondering about me at this point. I paced up and down the first floor of my house. I checked the internet. I called no-one. I paced. I searched. I called no-one. All day long.
Late in the afternoon, I started bleeding. “Oh no. Seriously? What a cruel joke to play on an old person!” I remember thinking!!! I was supposed to go to my friend, Lori’s, for a jewelry party that night. When I called her, I got her voice mail and left a message, sobbing ”Lori. It’s Sandy. I can’t come to your party. I’m pregnant. And, I’m bleeding. Bye”. It’s a miracle she’s still my friend!!! I called the Doctor’s office begging to come in, but it was closing time on a Friday and they said no. I remember feeling sad. I laid on my couch all weekend and prayed that I would be a good Mom..if this was all really true and came to be. I slept a lot.
On Monday, the doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. The bleeding had stopped and everything looked fine. I went back into shock. And…I realized that you really do have the power to move mountains if you want something bad enough.
Because of his intense desire, I was becoming The Accidental Mom…
With my 50th birthday fast-approaching (wow…that does not even sound possible, even as I put it in writing for all the world to see – yikes) and ever since I unexpectedly & miracoulosly gave birth at the age of 46.5; I have been feeling the need for a change in my life. I have always felt that there was something more that I should be doing and over the past 3 years, that need has turned into a burning desire.
