Sandy Speaks…

I remember the day I screamed down the hall of my high school…  “Doesn’t anyone care any more?”

I was 16 and my Mom had died a few months before.  I was sitting in typing class and it unexpectedly and suddenly hit me how everyone was carrying on with their lives, as if nothing had happened.  I abruptly left the room in the middle of class, so no one would see the tears streaming down my face.  Mrs. Newsome followed and asked where I was going.  And, that’s when I hollered down the hall.

I left the school grounds, without permission, and spent the rest of the day sitting at my Mom’s grave.  That’s when I realized life does go on, even after a tragedy.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the personal tragedy of a young girl or one that affects millions of people.  Before you know it, everyone is laughing, shopping, sleeping, and talking about the latest celebrity gossip, as if nothing ever happened.

My Dad died three years after my Mom.  On Christmas Eve.  Yep… life went on!

It’s been over 30 years since I was that confused girl.  I now know that life needs to go on.  We can’t live in constant grief lest we miss out on the beauty of being alive.  I also know how much it means to me when someone expresses their support at the loss of my parents, even after all these years.

People will cease talking and tweeting about the disaster in Japan long before it’s citizens even start to recover.  The knowledge of that makes me feel a bit like that sad and confused 16 year old again.  So, I’m making a promise to stop and remember those affected, for years to come.

And, today I’m praying for the children who became orphans that day.  I’m praying for them to realize they will laugh, shop, sleep, and talk about trivial things again one day.  I did!

Image: worradmu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It’s always hard to end a relationship.  Doing it the night before Valentine’s Day makes it a poignant heartbreak.

I didn’t plan to break up on the Eve of the day we celebrate love.  In fact, I had decided earlier in the day to continue on and see if the relationship could change/grow.

Then, it happened… an instant where it felt like someone poured freezing cold water on my head to wake me up!  And, I had to do what I had to do, regardless of the date on the calendar.

This post is not about him.  I wish him all the best and sincerely pray he finds the love of his life.

This is about me and the fact that I allowed myself to disappear.  Over the course of two months, I had become someone I didn’t even recognize.  In that moment of clarity, I realized I missed… ME!

I was surprised by how I’d let some pretty big parts of me go away.  And, I was unnerved by a new part of me that showed up.  It made me realize the sheer power that the need to love and be loved holds.

On our quest to find “the one,” we must not fall asleep on who we are, what we value, and why we want to be in a relationship.  If you’re acting differently or find yourself hoping things will change, it’s time to stop and examine your who, what, and why. Then, if you discover big things missing from what you want in love, you can pick a day to end things that doesn’t exude couples, candlelight, and Cupid!

(Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

When I told my four year old son it was my birthday, he exclaimed, “Yay!  Do you have cake and presents?”  I groaned to myself.  How could I have forgotten to get a cake for myself so he could help me celebrate?

I explained that he and I were going to celebrate Mommy’s birthday the following day.  The next morning, he ran to my room and told me he had the best dream last night… all about cake!!!

We ran downstairs.  He placed some candles on the small cake I’d purchased the night before.  Then, he looked around and asked “Where are your presents, Mommy?”  “Well,  I don’t have any presents and that’s okay.  We’ve got a yummy birthday cake and candles to enjoy!”

He became overwhelmed with emotion.  He started looking around the house, saying “I have to give you a present, Mommy.  I need to find some flowers to give you.”  The more he searched, the more upset he became.

As my heart was breaking, my eyes fell upon a bouquet of plastic flowers in my office.  “I found some flowers, Jake.  I’m going to lay them right here.” I said, as I took the flowers out of the vase and laid them upon his arts & crafts table.

He sang “Happy Birthday” to me and helped me blow out the candles.  Then, he told me to close my eyes.  When I opened them, he was standing in front of me with those plastic flowers.  With the sweetest smile, he said, “I got you some flowers, Mommy!”  I could not hold back my tears any longer as I thanked him profusely for the gift.

“Why are you crying, Mom?”  I hugged him tightly and replied, “These are happy tears, Baby.  Thank you for being so thoughtful.  I love you so much!”

I experienced so many emotions that day.  A little sadness plus lots of pride, happiness, determination, and gratitude.  And, I developed a whole new respect for single Mothers everywhere.  In our quest to “fit it all in”, we sometimes miss important details.  Isn’t it wonderful when your child shows you that, even though you don’t do everything perfectly, you are teaching him/her how to be thoughtful, giving, and loving?  That was the best birthday gift I’ve ever received!