Sandy Speaks…

I remember the day I screamed down the hall of my high school…  “Doesn’t anyone care any more?”

I was 16 and my Mom had died a few months before.  I was sitting in typing class and it unexpectedly and suddenly hit me how everyone was carrying on with their lives, as if nothing had happened.  I abruptly left the room in the middle of class, so no one would see the tears streaming down my face.  Mrs. Newsome followed and asked where I was going.  And, that’s when I hollered down the hall.

I left the school grounds, without permission, and spent the rest of the day sitting at my Mom’s grave.  That’s when I realized life does go on, even after a tragedy.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the personal tragedy of a young girl or one that affects millions of people.  Before you know it, everyone is laughing, shopping, sleeping, and talking about the latest celebrity gossip, as if nothing ever happened.

My Dad died three years after my Mom.  On Christmas Eve.  Yep… life went on!

It’s been over 30 years since I was that confused girl.  I now know that life needs to go on.  We can’t live in constant grief lest we miss out on the beauty of being alive.  I also know how much it means to me when someone expresses their support at the loss of my parents, even after all these years.

People will cease talking and tweeting about the disaster in Japan long before it’s citizens even start to recover.  The knowledge of that makes me feel a bit like that sad and confused 16 year old again.  So, I’m making a promise to stop and remember those affected, for years to come.

And, today I’m praying for the children who became orphans that day.  I’m praying for them to realize they will laugh, shop, sleep, and talk about trivial things again one day.  I did!

Image: worradmu / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When I told my four year old son it was my birthday, he exclaimed, “Yay!  Do you have cake and presents?”  I groaned to myself.  How could I have forgotten to get a cake for myself so he could help me celebrate?

I explained that he and I were going to celebrate Mommy’s birthday the following day.  The next morning, he ran to my room and told me he had the best dream last night… all about cake!!!

We ran downstairs.  He placed some candles on the small cake I’d purchased the night before.  Then, he looked around and asked “Where are your presents, Mommy?”  “Well,  I don’t have any presents and that’s okay.  We’ve got a yummy birthday cake and candles to enjoy!”

He became overwhelmed with emotion.  He started looking around the house, saying “I have to give you a present, Mommy.  I need to find some flowers to give you.”  The more he searched, the more upset he became.

As my heart was breaking, my eyes fell upon a bouquet of plastic flowers in my office.  “I found some flowers, Jake.  I’m going to lay them right here.” I said, as I took the flowers out of the vase and laid them upon his arts & crafts table.

He sang “Happy Birthday” to me and helped me blow out the candles.  Then, he told me to close my eyes.  When I opened them, he was standing in front of me with those plastic flowers.  With the sweetest smile, he said, “I got you some flowers, Mommy!”  I could not hold back my tears any longer as I thanked him profusely for the gift.

“Why are you crying, Mom?”  I hugged him tightly and replied, “These are happy tears, Baby.  Thank you for being so thoughtful.  I love you so much!”

I experienced so many emotions that day.  A little sadness plus lots of pride, happiness, determination, and gratitude.  And, I developed a whole new respect for single Mothers everywhere.  In our quest to “fit it all in”, we sometimes miss important details.  Isn’t it wonderful when your child shows you that, even though you don’t do everything perfectly, you are teaching him/her how to be thoughtful, giving, and loving?  That was the best birthday gift I’ve ever received!

In November of 2007, I got into a discussion with my dear friend, Dana, about how hard it is to have a sick child and how it must be even more difficult during the holidays.  We quickly decided to create a charity event to benefit the local Ronald McDonald House^® (RMH) program, since both of our families had been helped by them.

When he was 10 months old my nephew, Beau, was rushed by helicopter to All Children’s Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida where he under-went emergency brain surgery and endured months of recovery.  During those months, my brother & sister-in-law stayed at the Ronald McDonald House instead of having to drive hours each day to see their baby.

Dana’s niece, Tara, who was diagnosed with a rare disease, had to undergo a bone marrow transplant at All Children’s Hospital, when she was a toddler. Tara’s parents were able to reside at the Ronald McDonald House for months while waiting for Tara to recover.  The RMH allowed them to stay in the house at no charge without the worrying of driving back and forth to their home, which was hours away.

That year, we founded The Vino Ball of Central Florida.  Over the past three years, we’ve raised thousands of dollars and gift cards for the Ronald McDonald House in Orlando, Florida.  This year’s event is going to be extra-special as we honor the memory of Dana’s niece, Tara.  She passed away on October 28th and was laid to rest, close to her Grandpa Matthews, on October 30, 2010.

After being diagnosed with Sanfilippo Syndrome as a toddler, Tara underwent a bone marrow transplant in 1988.  She was three years old and the donor was her Mother, Rhonda.  She flourished for a few years – dancing, singing, and laughing her way into the hearts of everyone who met her.  In typical Southern Girl fashion, she took a liking to hunting, fishing, and most especially, horseback riding on her pony, Red.

One day, at the ripe old age of two, she saddled up to take Red for a ride.  When she didn’t return within a few minutes, her Mama went off in search of her – only to find that she’d ridden him into the house and positioned him in front of the TV to watch cartoons with her!

In 1992, the rare blood disorder returned to her little body and she became mentally and physically disabled.

Because of the deep abiding love of her family and the support of the teachers and staff at Doris A. Sanders Learning Center, Tara lived much longer than was expected.  Her family had been told that the average life-span of those afflicted with Sanfilippo is 8 to 12 years.  Tara turned 25 on October 3rd.  She had graduated from Doris A. Sanders two years before, where she was even able to attend the prom!

The Matthews family remembers, with gratitude, the special care they received at The Ronald McDonald House they lived in during Tara’s bone marrow operation.  Please join us as we raise money for this worthy cause.  This year’s event will be dedicated to the memory of a very special girl – Tara Matthews.

I invite you to join us on January 28, 2011 at The Celebration Town Tavern in Celebration, Florida for the 4th Annual Vino Ball of Central Florida.  For more information, please visit http://VinoBallofCentralFlorida.com.