Sandy Speaks…

When my three year old son, Jake, and I go for a walk or to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter, he acts as if he is running for Mayor.  He greets everyone with a cheerful “Hi” and  if he is not able to find out your name, he will make one up for you (and he always comes up with very interesting monikers for people)!

There was a time whenever my friends were worried that there was something wrong with him because he did not seem to connect.  He did not say the word “Mommy” until much, much later than his playmates.  In fact, he was the last one in our playgroup to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk although he is one of the eldest of the bunch.

I recently took him for his 3 year old check-up although he is 3.5 now.  I know, I know…I’m always late too (hey…wait a minute, maybe he comes by it justly?  And…before you judge my mothering skills, you must know that there were no major shots or anything involved in this doctor visit).  His Pediatrician was amazed at his level of communication (even though she had been somewhat skeptical that there was anything wrong when I showed up at her office in tears, one year ealrier).  “Did you put him in therapy?” she asked.  “No” I replied “About a week after my panicked visit, he started talking up a storm, in complete sentences and full of emotion & empathy, and he has not stopped since!”  She and I hugged!

I looked at her, contemplatively, and said, “You know…there is a life lesson here.  We are sometimes so quick to judge and we, so often, live our lives in a state of comparison.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we simply accepted each other, encouraged each other to reach our potential, and did not judge each other’s process of growth, whether we be children or adults?”  She smiled and said “Why yes, it would”.  After she walked out with her stethoscope in hand, I gave my child an extra hug and gave myself a break for the fact that I was at a place that some may view as “being behind”.  And, as I walked out of the doctor’s office, I thought “Watch out world…I might just run for Mayor!”

Since I made the decision to start paying more attention to my blog, I perused the subjects that I had created when I set it up and came across “The Singlehood Journey” as a  choice.  It did not have any entries in it and I decided to quickly delete it as an option for me to write about!  Sure…I have lots of funny stories about being single (mostly from my pre-baby days of almost 4 years ago since I don’t go out much now) and I can certainly give a real view on that status (since I’ve spent more of my adult years “single” than I have “in a relationship”), but…I started thinking about how I am coaching people on how they need to “put out into The Universe” what they want to come back to them and decided that labeling myself as “single” and then writing about it consistently is not such a good idea after all!

I am certainly not “pining away” for a man nor do I ever feel lonely or sad (because I really do enjoy my own company).  However, when I think of the “big picture” of my life, I would like to finally meet and connect with the perfect man for me (and for my son).  I even sat down and wrote out my “man list” on a legal pad recently, which is something that I have never done.  It was actually kinda fun…well, it will be when I meet that guy!!!

So…the point of this blog post is…

Make sure that everything that you do and say is in alignment with the life that you wish to create for yourself while expressing Gratitude for what you currently have (I am actually very grateful that I am able to spend my time alone as I please right now) and watch your life transform according to your wishes.

Just think of the great love story that is going to appear in my life when the time is right!  It sure is gonna be fun!!

I am well aware that, once you start blogging, the best thing you can do is to post on a regular basis.  Well…it has been over a month since I posted a blog article and so I wrote this little song (to the tune of “A Hunting We Will Go”) to express my feelings and get back into the groove…

A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go, 
Heigh ho, I’m behind – Oh No…a blogging I must go!
A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
I’ll write a note and include a cool quote
And then watch me go!

A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
Heigh ho, I’m behind – Oh No…a blogging I must go!
A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
I’ll think of thoughts that will repel the Spambots,
And then watch me go!

A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
Heigh ho, I’m behind – Oh No…a blogging I must go!
A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
I’ll throw in a bribe, so people will subscribe,
And then watch me go!

A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
Heigh ho, I’m behind – Oh No…a blogging I must go!
A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
I’ll get on a plan and become a Wordpress fan,
And then watch me go!

A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
Heigh ho, I’m behind – Oh No…a blogging I must go!
A blogging I must go, a blogging I must go,
I’ll have fun when The BOBs I have won,
And then watch me go!

Today, on my 50th birthday, I would like to share 50 Life Lessons that I have learned.  Some of them are repeats of classics that are too powerful to re-word; some I have learned the hard way; some I am just now starting to implement; and some are humorous and meant to show that you should have fun in life!   Each one carries a valuable message so I hope you will savor them as you read…

My 50 Life Lessons

1.     Be true to yourself and follow your hearts desires.

 2.     Surround yourself with positive, supportive, and uplifting people.

 3.     Take responsibility for your actions and own up to your mistakes. 

 4.     Make decisions wisely and from a place of love and goodness, choosing to do what is in everyone’s best interest.

 5.     It’s okay to eat popcorn for dinner and sushi for breakfast.

 6.     Stand up for yourself and know that sometimes that simply means to move on, once you have done what is right.

 7.     Some people only come into your life for a season, and that’s okay.

 8.     Become an expert about something you’re passionate about.

 9.     Be honest.  Always.

 10.   Resolve issues quickly and with a calmness of spirit.

 11.     Give thanks all day long for all of your blessings, big and small.

 12.    Forgive others and yourself quickly…and move on.

 13.    Get on the floor and play with a child.

 14.    Establish traditions and keep them going.

 15.    Get 8 hours of sleep and drink lots of water.

 16.    Sit down with your parents and/or grandparents and have them share their life story.

 17.    Get married only if you have no doubts.

 18.    True friends are more valuable than gold.  Treasure them.

 19.    Never be judgmental and remember that what people think of you is none of your business.

 20.  There is no such thing as skirts that are too short, earrings that are too big, lipstick that is too bright, or heels that are too high when you’re going out!

 21.    Remove all negative influences from your life, including people who are toxic.

 22.   Be yourself, but be your best self.

 23.   Laugh.  A lot.

 24.  Travel to at least one foreign country.

 25.  Have a place for everything and everything in its place.

 26.  Always be the bigger person.

 27.  Reach out to help those less fortunate.

 28.  If you can’t say something nice about someone, then don’t say anything at all.

 29.  You are who you hang around.

 30.  Pursue your passions.

 31.   Keep a journal, especially a gratitude journal.

 32.  Write down your goals and take at least one action step toward them each day.

 33.  Be comfortable spending time with yourself.

 34.  Sing and Dance.  A lot.

 35.  Life is too short and too precious to hold grudges or to be jealous or envious.

 36.  Say “I love you”.  Often.

 37.  The minute you start to feel overwhelmed or stressed, take some deep breathes and count your blessings.

 38.   Eat Healthy.  Most of the time.

 39.   Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

 40.   Get massages.  A lot.

 41.    Regret is a wasted emotion.  Learn your lessons and move on.

 42.   Marry or date someone who loves to kiss.  A lot.

 43.   Be in the present moment.  You will never have that time again. 

 44.   Go to major events like someone’s wedding, graduation, funeral, or birthday party.  Once it is over, it’s over and you’ll never have a 2^ndchance to attend.

 45.   Read.  A lot.

 46.   Take lots of pictures and arrange or organize them as soon as possible.

47.  Go ahead and ask for what you want.  If the answer is no, you have not lost anything.

 48.   If someone writes you a love letter, keep it forever.

 49.   It is easier to keep up than to catch up.

50.  You can’t change anyone.  Think of how hard it is to change yourself.

 And…One to grow on:  Always Be on Time!

I had to write my annual poem
   As 2009 comes to an end
I am full of love and gratitude
   That to all of you I had to send.

Jake is now three years old
   He is friendly and such a little man
He is very tall with a head full of curls
   He speaks Spanish, sings songs, and is Mommy’s biggest fan.

Stephanie is a full-time student now
   And I can’t believe that Hailey has turned ten
I lost both Shakespeare and Spencer
   I sure miss my sweet, furry friends.

My family is happy and healthy
   A great-nephew named Luke Ryan arrived
I’m available to consult about real estate
   I still eat Mila each day to feel healthy and alive.

I created Gratitude Boot Camp
   Where I coach about counting your blessings
There is a Gratitude Boot Camp fan page on Facebook
   I can’t wait to see what miracles GBC brings.

I’m the Leader in Orlando and Celebration
   For a wonderful organization
Women’s Prosperity Network
   Is expanding throughout the Nation.

I’ve created a mantra for the New Year
   Let’s all say it together
Stand tall, Smile, and Shout Out Loud
   “2010 is my best year EVER”!

           HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Unconditional Love is a love this is not limited by any conditions or in any way at all.  It is Absolute.  It is True.  And…it sure makes you happy when you give or receive it, doesn’t it? 

For 13 years, I received the Unconditional Love of two very sweet animals…Shakespeare & Spencer…my precious persian cats.  Because I lost both of them this year, I am writing this article about them.  They truly did give me their Unconditional Love every day. 

I grew up with dogs as family pets.  We never had a cat.  And…until I was 36 years of age, I never had a pet in my adult life (except for fish in an aquarium).  I told myself that I was not going to have any pets.  And, I certainly did not see myself with a cat.  One day, I was on an appointment to place a house on the market for sale.  As we were sitting at the kitchen table going over the required paperwork, a Mother Cat came walking out of the laundry room with two little tiny baby kittens trailing behind.   One of the kittens walked right up to me so I had to pick him up to pet him!  He was the cutest thing I had ever seen, especially when he snuggled up tightly on my chest.  The owner of the home told me that she was selling the kittens and that they were peke-faced Persians.  The one that I was holding onto had a crooked tail, so he would never be able to be a “show cat”, I was told.  I said good-bye and left there with no intention other than selling the home as quickly as possible.  But…for the next few days, I could not get that kitty with the crooked tail out of my head.  He was the first thing that I thought of when I woke up each morning. 

So…I found myself driving back to my listing with a check in hand…to buy the kitty with the crooked tail.  I named him Shakespeare.  He was 3 months old.  He followed me every where I went and he slept at the foot of the bed, touching my feet.  Because I had never had a cat before, I bought a book that would tell me everything that I ever wanted or needed to know about having a cat as a pet.  It said that cats need the companionship of other cats, especially if you are not often home. 

When I had called the owner just to inquire whether or not she still had the other kitty (because I wasn’t sure that I wanted two), she said “I can’t believe you called me today!  We just found out that the people who had taken that kitty are abusing him.  So, we rescued him but now we are leaving for vacation and weren’t sure what to do with him.”

So…I found myself driving back to my listing with a check in hand…to buy Shakespeare’s brother.  I named him Spencer.  He was all matted and dirty and very clingy.  I just knew that seeing his brother again would cheer him right up.  Boy, was I wrong!!!  For three weeks, the two hissed at each other and steered clear of the other’s path.  I would cry “But, you’re brothers!  You’re supposed to love each other!”  And…I would call my girlfriends saying “What have I done?  They hate each other!”  One day, I came home and found the two of them licking each other!  From that day on, they were best buddies.  We were a happy, little family.

Over the next 13 years, they were with me through three moves, four company changes, three relationship break-ups, and the birth of a baby.  And…they always loved me Unconditionally.  Shakespeare always slept at the foot of my bed, touching my feet.  And…Spencer and I cuddled on the couch for the last hour of every night before I’d go to bed.  They were not your typical cats…they were very friendly.  If there were people around, they were right there!  And, Spencer would even play catch with a toy mouse!! 

They both died from a fast growing tumor in their mouth.  So, they did not suffer for a long amount of time.  It broke my heart to say good-bye to them on their final day.  And…it is very strange to not have them here.  I still find myself looking around for them sometimes and making sure I close the door so they don’t get out!

I am very thankful that I got to experience their Unconditional Love.  I will carry that lesson with me the next time I am in a relationship.  And…who knows?  Maybe there is another furry baby in my future.  For right now, though, I am content to remember the purrs and meows of my precious Persians, Shakespeare & Spencer.

In Memory Of…

Shakespeare – 8/9/96 ~ 5/21/09 ~and~ Spencer – 8/9/96 ~ 10/29/09

We had only been dating for a few weeks when he started saying “I want to have a baby with you”!  I looked at him like he had three heads!! 

As we continued in our relationship, he became more and more adamant about wanting to have a baby with me!  “This cultural difference is huge”, I remember thinking.  He had come over from Cuba on a raft 10 years before we met…I was born & raised in the Southern part of the United States.  His English was not bad…I could certainly understand those 8 words clearly!!!

Finally, I sat him down on my couch for a serious talk.  I explained to him that, not only had I been told that I could not have a baby for medical reasons, but I was now a girl over the age of 45.  “If you are wanting to have a baby that badly with someone, you really need to be dating a girl who is in her twenties or thirties” I said very slowly so that he would understand.  “No!  I want to have a baby with you”.  My final words on the subject were “Good luck with that!”

After dating for a while, I knew that I had to break up with him.  I had realized that this was not meant to be a long term relationship.  For one thing, he would not stop saying “I want to have a baby with you”.  It was getting annoying.  He had never even said “I love you”!  I had been telling my best friends that I was going to break it off, but every weekend we had some sort of plans that caused me to say “I’ll do it next weekend for sure”.  The weekend after Halloween was going to be IT.  I made sure that we did not make any plans whatsoever. 

At the beginning of that week, I realized that I was “late”.  I shrugged it off every day, although it was extremely unusual.  On Thursday, I found myself picking up a few things in Walgreens and, on a last minute whim, picked up a cheap pregnancy test!  I took it when I got home and it instantaneously became positive!  “Nooooooo” I said to myself in the mirror.  So, I took the other one that came in the box.  It also did not hesitate to turn into a plus sign.  “Oh…hell nooooooo” I said to my two cats who were looking at me like I had three heads!!!!  I jumped in my car and drove back to Walgreens to buy the most expensive pregnancy test I could find, telling myself that the reason that those two said “positive” was because I had purchased the cheapest one.  “You know that you get what you pay for, Sandy”, I berated myself.  When I got home, I read the directions…word for word…and it said that the best time to take the test was first thing in the morning.  “Oh…no wonder” I said to the two furry babies that I had raised since birth “Those others were cheap AND I did not follow the directions.”  I slept soundly that night knowing that, the next day, the expensive test would clear all of this up and I could proceed with the much anticipated break up.

First thing the next morning, my life changed forever!  “You have got to be kidding me?!!” I said all day long…over and over…to Shakespeare & Spencer, who were really wondering about me at this point.  I paced up and down the first floor of my house.  I checked the internet.  I called no-one.  I paced.  I searched. I called no-one.  All day long.

Late in the afternoon, I started bleeding.  “Oh no.  Seriously?  What a cruel joke to play on an old person!” I remember thinking!!!  I was supposed to go to my friend, Lori’s, for a jewelry party that night.  When I called her, I got her voice mail and left a message, sobbing ”Lori.  It’s Sandy.  I can’t come to your party.  I’m pregnant.  And, I’m bleeding.  Bye”.   It’s a miracle she’s still my friend!!!  I called the Doctor’s office begging to come in, but it was closing time on a Friday and they said no.  I remember feeling sad.  I laid on my couch all weekend and prayed that I would be a good Mom..if this was all really true and came to be.  I slept a lot.

On Monday, the doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.  The bleeding had stopped and everything looked fine.  I went back into shock.  And…I realized that you really do have the power to move mountains if you want something bad enough.

Because of his intense desire, I was becoming The Accidental Mom…

Lately, I have really been working on my own personal self-development.  I have been blessed with the responsibility of raising a child and I am on a new journey of coaching others, so I have to hold myself to a higher standard.

One very important attribute that I’ve been concentrating on is the act of forgiveness.  One of the hardest things to do is to forgive someone who has caused you pain.  However, as I’ve recently discovered, it is extremely liberating to “get over it”.  When you do, the hurt no longer dominates your mind.  When someone hurts me, I generally become consumed with thinking about the incident or action over and over and over.  Or, I decide to retreat completely from the situation where the hurt took place.  It’s exhausting!

Recently, I was feeling very hurt by someone who I am close to in my life.  As the incident started playing over and over again in my head, I realized that I had to stop and forgive…truly forgive.  Which made me stop and look at things from their perspective.  It was amazing how I could physically feel the hurt going out of me and how I was crystal clear on the fact that I did not want to lose or mess up this valuable friendship.  I shudder to think of what might have happened if I were not in this period of working on myself!  Things are back to normal and when we discussed the topic again, it was in a really casual & relaxing way.  This forgiveness stuff really works!!

Of course, there are instances where someone hurts you to the point that you know that the relationship must end.  But, you still must practice forgiveness of that person…otherwise the incident/action continues to cause you pain and discomfort…even after the person is gone.  Even if you do not contact that person because you do not want to invite them back into your life, it is still very important to forgive them so you can move on from the negative thoughts.  And, it actually makes you feel at peace whenever you ask God to bless the person who was hurtful.  It helps to realize that some people are put into your life for a reason but were not meant to stay in it forever.  As you reflect back on your relationship with that person, in a relaxed state, you will find that there were lessons to be learned and you can be Grateful to that person for giving you those lessons.

It is also important to forgive yourself.  That is something that has been a bit of a struggle for me lately.  My whole life I have lived with the motto that “regret is a wasted emotion”.  But, this year, I have been kicking myself for some of the mistakes that I have made.  I finally have realized that the time & energy that I am spending on beating myself up could be spent on taking positive steps toward a bright, new future. 

So…if something hurtful happens now, I start working on the forgiveness aspect of it pretty quickly after it happens.  That way, I can move on toward my bright future.  And…I stop to count my blessings…that always helps me to truly forgive so I can finally forget!