Sandy Speaks…

When my three year old son, Jake, and I go for a walk or to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter, he acts as if he is running for Mayor.  He greets everyone with a cheerful “Hi” and  if he is not able to find out your name, he will make one up for you (and he always comes up with very interesting monikers for people)!

There was a time whenever my friends were worried that there was something wrong with him because he did not seem to connect.  He did not say the word “Mommy” until much, much later than his playmates.  In fact, he was the last one in our playgroup to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk although he is one of the eldest of the bunch.

I recently took him for his 3 year old check-up although he is 3.5 now.  I know, I know…I’m always late too (hey…wait a minute, maybe he comes by it justly?  And…before you judge my mothering skills, you must know that there were no major shots or anything involved in this doctor visit).  His Pediatrician was amazed at his level of communication (even though she had been somewhat skeptical that there was anything wrong when I showed up at her office in tears, one year earlier).  “Did you put him in therapy?” she asked.  “No” I replied “About a week after my panicked visit, he started talking up a storm, in complete sentences and full of emotion & empathy, and he has not stopped since!”  She and I hugged!

I looked at her, contemplatively, and said, “You know…there is a life lesson here.  We are sometimes so quick to judge and we, so often, live our lives in a state of comparison.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we simply accepted each other, encouraged each other to reach our potential, and did not judge each other’s process of growth, whether we be children or adults?”  She smiled and said “Why yes, it would”.  After she walked out with her stethoscope in hand, I gave my child an extra hug and gave myself a break for the fact that I was at a place that some may view as “being behind”.  And, as I walked out of the doctor’s office, I thought “Watch out world…I might just run for Mayor!”

We had only been dating for a few weeks when he started saying “I want to have a baby with you”!  I looked at him like he had three heads!! 

As we continued in our relationship, he became more and more adamant about wanting to have a baby with me!  “This cultural difference is huge”, I remember thinking.  He had come over from Cuba on a raft 10 years before we met…I was born & raised in the Southern part of the United States.  His English was not bad…I could certainly understand those 8 words clearly!!!

Finally, I sat him down on my couch for a serious talk.  I explained to him that, not only had I been told that I could not have a baby for medical reasons, but I was now a girl over the age of 45.  “If you are wanting to have a baby that badly with someone, you really need to be dating a girl who is in her twenties or thirties” I said very slowly so that he would understand.  “No!  I want to have a baby with you”.  My final words on the subject were “Good luck with that!”

After dating for a while, I knew that I had to break up with him.  I had realized that this was not meant to be a long term relationship.  For one thing, he would not stop saying “I want to have a baby with you”.  It was getting annoying.  He had never even said “I love you”!  I had been telling my best friends that I was going to break it off, but every weekend we had some sort of plans that caused me to say “I’ll do it next weekend for sure”.  The weekend after Halloween was going to be IT.  I made sure that we did not make any plans whatsoever. 

At the beginning of that week, I realized that I was “late”.  I shrugged it off every day, although it was extremely unusual.  On Thursday, I found myself picking up a few things in Walgreens and, on a last minute whim, picked up a cheap pregnancy test!  I took it when I got home and it instantaneously became positive!  “Nooooooo” I said to myself in the mirror.  So, I took the other one that came in the box.  It also did not hesitate to turn into a plus sign.  “Oh…hell nooooooo” I said to my two cats who were looking at me like I had three heads!!!!  I jumped in my car and drove back to Walgreens to buy the most expensive pregnancy test I could find, telling myself that the reason that those two said “positive” was because I had purchased the cheapest one.  “You know that you get what you pay for, Sandy”, I berated myself.  When I got home, I read the directions…word for word…and it said that the best time to take the test was first thing in the morning.  “Oh…no wonder” I said to the two furry babies that I had raised since birth “Those others were cheap AND I did not follow the directions.”  I slept soundly that night knowing that, the next day, the expensive test would clear all of this up and I could proceed with the much anticipated break up.

First thing the next morning, my life changed forever!  “You have got to be kidding me?!!” I said all day long…over and over…to Shakespeare & Spencer, who were really wondering about me at this point.  I paced up and down the first floor of my house.  I checked the internet.  I called no-one.  I paced.  I searched. I called no-one.  All day long.

Late in the afternoon, I started bleeding.  “Oh no.  Seriously?  What a cruel joke to play on an old person!” I remember thinking!!!  I was supposed to go to my friend, Lori’s, for a jewelry party that night.  When I called her, I got her voice mail and left a message, sobbing ”Lori.  It’s Sandy.  I can’t come to your party.  I’m pregnant.  And, I’m bleeding.  Bye”.   It’s a miracle she’s still my friend!!!  I called the Doctor’s office begging to come in, but it was closing time on a Friday and they said no.  I remember feeling sad.  I laid on my couch all weekend and prayed that I would be a good Mom..if this was all really true and came to be.  I slept a lot.

On Monday, the doctor confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.  The bleeding had stopped and everything looked fine.  I went back into shock.  And…I realized that you really do have the power to move mountains if you want something bad enough.

Because of his intense desire, I was becoming The Accidental Mom…