Sandy Speaks…

I hosted a baby shower at my house last week for a small group of women who, like me, have 3 year old children.  We recounted stories of things that our children recently said or did.

One Mom talked about how her daughter called a friend a “dumb ass”; another lamented because her child wouldn’t bow or curtsy during a school play because he didn’t want her to think he was acting silly; another described how her daughter was pretending to be ‘the Mommy’ and slapped her hand on her forehead in exasperation; another spoke about how her daughter pointed to a man wearing an earring and proclaimed loudly “boys aren’t supposed to wear earrings…only girls”; and I shared that, when my friend watched Jake the other day, he said “Have you seen Sandy Harper’s Gratitude Boot Camp on Facebook?”

We all laughed because kids say the darndest things!  We also pointed out all of the wonderful things that we do as Mothers and didn’t allow each other to feel badly about anything our children say or do that might cause us to feel guilt…after all, there is no such thing as a perfect Mother.  

Later, I thought about how our children are such mirrors of us!  I thought about what my child said and realized that I’ve been working too much lately!  So…I am committing right now to spend a minimum of one hour of uninterrupted time with him per work day (even if it is in 5 – 15 minute increments)…no phone and no computer allowed!  We are going to sit down right now and play a board game…as. soon. as. I. finish. posting. on. Facebook, that is!!!

(Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

I am spending this weekend literally getting my house in order!

As I look around at the toys strewn near & far; at the pile of clean laundry that needs to be folded (that is so tall my 3 year old son has been pretending that it is a mound of snow); at the weeds inching their way higher & higher through the brick pavers in my courtyard…I start to feel overwhelmed.  Tears are filling my eyes as I am writing this blog post.

First of all, I am not used to my house getting so out of control and am wondering how in the world I let this happen.  Secondly, it is not my style to let people know that things are a mess.  After all, I am the gal who holds it all together…running my businesses; maintaining my friendships; being a full-time, single Mommy; acting as head of the household…and never stops smiling!!

But, today…I am confessing that things are a complete mess!  So, what do I do?

Well, the first thing I’m doing (after this admission) is “blessing my mess”!  That’s right!  I am expressing gratitude that I have a home to clean; that I have a child to scatter toys everywhere; that I have friendships to maintain & businesses to run. 

Then, I am “grabbing the bull by the horns”!  I am ‘cranking up’ my stereo and inviting  Madonna, Abba, Michael Jackson, and Bon Jovi into my messy house…to fill me with energy and make the task enjoyable!  I will take it one room at a time and will not stop until my house is back in order!

Sometimes our lives become a big mess, don’t they?  When that happens…bless your mess, grab the bull by the horns, take it one step at a time, enjoy the journey, and don’t stop until your life is back in order!

And, then…reward yourself!!  Any suggestions on what I should do when my house is back in order?

(picture taken from www.bigfoto.com)

When my three year old son, Jake, and I go for a walk or to the grocery store or anywhere for that matter, he acts as if he is running for Mayor.  He greets everyone with a cheerful “Hi” and  if he is not able to find out your name, he will make one up for you (and he always comes up with very interesting monikers for people)!

There was a time whenever my friends were worried that there was something wrong with him because he did not seem to connect.  He did not say the word “Mommy” until much, much later than his playmates.  In fact, he was the last one in our playgroup to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and talk although he is one of the eldest of the bunch.

I recently took him for his 3 year old check-up although he is 3.5 now.  I know, I know…I’m always late too (hey…wait a minute, maybe he comes by it justly?  And…before you judge my mothering skills, you must know that there were no major shots or anything involved in this doctor visit).  His Pediatrician was amazed at his level of communication (even though she had been somewhat skeptical that there was anything wrong when I showed up at her office in tears, one year earlier).  “Did you put him in therapy?” she asked.  “No” I replied “About a week after my panicked visit, he started talking up a storm, in complete sentences and full of emotion & empathy, and he has not stopped since!”  She and I hugged!

I looked at her, contemplatively, and said, “You know…there is a life lesson here.  We are sometimes so quick to judge and we, so often, live our lives in a state of comparison.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we simply accepted each other, encouraged each other to reach our potential, and did not judge each other’s process of growth, whether we be children or adults?”  She smiled and said “Why yes, it would”.  After she walked out with her stethoscope in hand, I gave my child an extra hug and gave myself a break for the fact that I was at a place that some may view as “being behind”.  And, as I walked out of the doctor’s office, I thought “Watch out world…I might just run for Mayor!”

*I am adding to this post to clarify a couple of things about my child.  He reached all of his major milestones within the “normal” time frames, it was just always at the very end.  He loves to play with other children and connects with people very well.  Like all 3 year olds, he asks millions of questions each day (his favorite is asking what every single sign says as we drive up and down Interstate 4; which we do a lot, so Mommy is learning the art of extreme patience) and we carry on conversations with each other.  He is smart and sweet with a great sense of humor and some of the same “quirks” that I had as a child.  I really believe that, while you should make sure that your child is developing his/her major milestones according to “the charts”, you also have to be careful about comparing him/her to other children.  And, I believe that you need to accept them for who they are and praise & encourage them to excel without placing judgment upon them.*